Ah, intentions intentions intentions, You’ve heard me say, write and communicate through interpretive dance my intentions. However for some reason, no matter how many times i voice them i have trouble bringing them to reality. Is this because deep down this isn’t what I want to do? Is it that by voicing them they have less value? Is my understanding of value distorted? Am I doing this to spite my audience, I remember in High school when I was just beginning to learn Parkour, my classmates would say to me, (or rather shout from the opposite end of the gym) “DO A BACKFLIP” or the slightly less annoying “DO THAT AGAIN!” I remember the first few times appeasing them in an effort to build rapport with the ‘cool kids’ and to retrieve the butterflies in my stomach that I adore so much. But after a while something happened, something very difficult to describe, you could call it boredom, or perhaps getting pissy, but I remember on instance in particular where the phrase “I’m not your Bitch” flew out from between my lips.
I look back on that moment with distain, and an understanding that that moment (or at least moments like it) was a prevailing that reason High School was so damned difficult for me. It wasn’t simply that kids can be cruel, (though that can be true) and it wasn’t that I was too weird to be a part of a single social group, (although that can be true as well) it was a combination of a million different moments, a million different dicisions, a million different interactions which come to equal this moment here. Demetri Martin once presented in his “If I” show an equation for who we are and it goes like this
I = if+if+if
TIME
Meaning quite simply, who you are or the situation you are in right now is made up by every decision you have ever and will ever make. My question and ultimately my confusion lies with why we make decisions against our best intentions, why for example do I choose to put off blogging, why do I keep the video camera in my pocket instead of pulling it out and shooting something. My train is about to pull into the station, I’d like to say that I have figured this out, that I know what I want, that I won’t falter, but I don’t know that, Its my intention, but I can’t promise.
LOVE.
I = if+if+if
TIME
Meaning quite simply, who you are or the situation you are in right now is made up by every decision you have ever and will ever make. My question and ultimately my confusion lies with why we make decisions against our best intentions, why for example do I choose to put off blogging, why do I keep the video camera in my pocket instead of pulling it out and shooting something. My train is about to pull into the station, I’d like to say that I have figured this out, that I know what I want, that I won’t falter, but I don’t know that, Its my intention, but I can’t promise.
LOVE.
p.s. please leave a comment telling me something
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