He stops for a second, wondering how those voices sound so close, he knows hes on the 7th floor and he knows what typical voices far below sound like.  He takes another bite of his overly priced pizza and continues writing.  A few moments later, he hears, 

“Monsieur avec le pizza!“

Understanding that the shouting was for him he turns around to investigate.  What he sees is two young girls running out of his eyesight.  He realizes this story is short and uninteresting but he continues writing in the third person, breaking the forth wall for the fifth time.  Six people have ever shouted at him, he remembers one like it was yesterday, most likely because it was yesterday.  

He was walking the streets of paris with his new friend Neal, unaware of where they were, or where they were going for that matter, they stumbled upon many an unlucky soul.  Homelessness has risen in France in the recent months, he only knows this because an uptight, yet devastatingly attractive, chain smoking, Parisian girl who he met at a bar rather unexpectedly, explained to him in her broken english: “Ze...ze new president, uh he just - how you say?”  She turns to her friend and after a moment of discussion they turn back and say, “He puts ze money in ze garbage.  Zis is why zere are many homeless peoples.”  

Armed with this information, he wanders aimlessly through the streets of Paris, saying no to homeless person after homeless person. 

Its important to note that he feels incredibly guilty for having to say no, he would like to help them all.  He rationalizes not helping using the following: firstly he doesn’t have the money, secondly, there are some people who don’t even look homeless asking for money which leads him to suspect that they are just taking advantage of good spirited samaritans, but thirdly (and most importantly) it wasn’t twenty minutes at the train station waiting for Neal to pee when a woman came up to him asking him to sign a petition and make a small donation.  When he pulled out a 20 euro note instead of the intended 5 euro note, she moved her thumb away from the small letters saying ‘minimum 20 euro donation’  and took his money.  

He is surrounded by both homeless people and scam artists, both of which are usually praying on the innocent tourist.  He honestly believes that if people wanted to help the homeless, scam artists should stop being such dicks and get real, honest jobs, but he’d never say this out loud in fear of some illogical happening in which a bystander over hears him saying this in english, and in a bout of richeous indignation takes out one of those baseball bats with nails sticking thru it (the kind you’d use during the zombie apocalypse) and bashes him over the head with it.  When in reality if he did say something, most people in the world, (save the scam artists and their future employers) would agree with him and he might have been able to start a revolution, saving innocent tourists and homeless people alike.  

Now armed with this infallible information from a credible and reputable source (sarcasm) he walks on; saying no to various homeless people only to realize that both he and Neal have walked in a gigantic circle, and have met one of their homeless friends for a second time.  Both he and Neal recognize this immediately and try to hide their amazement and keep a calm composure when he asks in both french and english “Excuse me, can you spare some change?” 

Now stop.  Our main character now knows that either the homeless man is crazy or he simply doesn’t recognize that he’s asked them before, in either case he knows that any form of humor would be lost on him and most likely taken insult to.  Unfortunately he only knows this because he’s already made that mistake.  

He reacts as per usual but only when further provoked does he add, “Dude, you’ve already asked us, we don’t have anything.”  He turns to walk away and shrugs the situation off.  The homeless man shouts something incomprehensible to even the french ear and punches our main character in the center of the back, throwing him forward.  

So yea, that was the fifth person to have yelled at him.  



7/22/2013 01:39:48 pm

Sucksville man - I guess it's all part of the experience but I hope the next person who yells at you says something constructive like, "DUCK!!!!" Hang in there and rack up some really awesome experiences that outweigh the not so great. LOVE.

Roan Cushing
7/22/2013 06:50:16 pm

It's important to note that this wasn't meant to be a "bad story" it's was just meant to be a story. I don't look at these experiences with sadness or disdain, I simply look at them. Thanks for caring though.


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